I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
