Pappa wants mamma naked
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
