i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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