you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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