Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
