Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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