how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
