By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
