cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
