I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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