so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
