I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh god it's open bar.
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