Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
