i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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