also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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