i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
