What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
