I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
