her vagine was all disorganized.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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