I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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