So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
