Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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