I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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