Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
