Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
