I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
