that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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