I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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