dude i'm inner monologue high
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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