You made me cry and you don't even care
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
