I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
