Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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