I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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