I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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