you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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