i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its liver damage thursday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
