So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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