I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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