We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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