you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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