She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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