What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dick very happy bro
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