I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
