I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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