we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
