A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
