The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
