And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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