Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
