he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
